Thank you Maury Wood, Andrew, Pamela Day, We Are Erinn, Nelson F. Gonzalez, Kiera Antonelli, Chris Rutledge, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.
Here is what we discussed in this livestream:
All the numbers are cool. Great. I hope it grows. But what matters to me are the stories… the PEOPLE!
Leader Unlock Is Not About Me... It’s About You
I have a lot to talk about today... but primarily to talk about you. Really to talk about what God’s doing in your life, and things we’re going to be doing here on our Substack.
If you’ve never met me, my name is Chris Antonelli. I’m an imperfect individual... but I have spent my life traversing it in a way that I’ve learned some pretty powerful lessons. Some of that’s been in corporate tech world. I currently am a director at Microsoft. I’ve worked at Amazon and EMC and Cisco and lots of companies. But I’ve also been a pastor.
And I’m here to help you, whether you’re an executive or a parent.
To me, when I say leader, don’t think that you’re excluded from that... because I would bet that you’re a leader. Are you willing to learn? Are you willing to put in the work, the blood, the sweat, and the tears to truly not only unlock yourself but unlock other people?
My Origin Story: Pain, A Tailspin, And A Turning Point
If you read a little bit about my origin story, I had a pretty tumultuous upbringing. My mom committed suicide when I was in junior high. I was the only one at home. I had a discernment in my spirit even before I was a Christian that there was something off. I went upstairs to find my mom and see if everything was okay. I saw empty pill bottles on the counter. She came over, kissed me, and said, remember, I love you more than anything in this world. I called my dad, he told me to call 911, and I did. And that day, my mom, unfortunately, didn’t survive.
And that sent me, as a young man, into a tailspin. I started partying. I started smoking marijuana on a daily basis, cutting school, and ended up barely graduating high school.
I got kicked out because I was so far behind. They sent me to a continuation school, and the president of that school sat me down and said, look, you have two choices. Either you can drop out or you can graduate. It’s up to you. I decided, okay, right there, I’m going to stop drinking. I’m going to stop partying. I’m going to graduate. I don’t even know where that came from that early in my life... but I just had this tenacity of like, okay, well, great. So if it’s on me, I’m going to do it. I ended up working so hard, I ended up graduating a half a year early.
But that tailspin didn’t stop. My dad got remarried and he asked me to move out. I had like two weeks to move out and totally understandable. He had a new wife moving in and it was time for me to move on being over 18.
And that just threw me back into a continuation of that tailspin where I became homeless, reverted back to alcohol and drugs, and I lived in my truck for a good six months and couch surfing between friends.
I would sleep in my truck, in the back of my truck with a camper shell. And then for some reason, I don’t even know what I was thinking, I got a pet rat and I named him Merlin. So I often tell the story that I was homeless, drug addicted, alcohol, living in my truck with my pet rat in Santa Cruz, California.
A buddy of mine invited me to church. I said yes. I didn’t go right away. He kept inviting me and he’d call me and I’d be like, I’m sick. He’d call me again, and I’d be like, I’m too tired. The truth was every time he called me, I had forgotten he invited me. And I was high as a kite when he called me. I was thinking, no way am I going to go to church. I know enough about church that I’m not going to go totally stoned out of my gourd to church.
But he kept asking and he actually took me first to a small group. I went to a small group and they were talking about the things of the Lord, talking about the Bible. And he opened it up. And again, remember, I was just totally stoned out of my mind. The person opened it up and said, tell me a little bit about what you think about the Lord and the things of the kingdom of God and what he’s doing in you. So I decided, you know what, I’m going to go ahead and share. I don’t even remember what I said because, again, I was baked. Thinking back now how gracious they were... this guy needs Jesus.
I came out of that small group and I felt different. Something changed in my heart. I felt like, okay, Lord, if you’re real, I want to know you’re real. Prove it. Prove that you’re real and not just some other fantasy because I’ve been hurt and broken in life.
What the primary thing that happened is I lost my appetite for drugs and alcohol overnight. I woke up in the morning and my buddy who I lived with was like, hey, you want to bake out with me? I got some pot. You want to smoke out? And I’m like, no, I don’t think I do. I’m going to just go for a walk.
I went walking on the beach and just thinking about life, thinking about where I had been, thinking about my mom and my dad. I was like, yeah, this isn’t the lifestyle that I’m meant for. I went back and called my buddy and said, yeah, I want to go to church with you this weekend.
He took me to church. I don’t remember what the pastor spoke on. I just remember the feeling. The feeling was safety. The feeling was reconciliation. There was no shame or guilt or anything. There was acceptance and community and an ability and opportunity really for me to decide, is this what I want?
At the end of the sermon, the pastor offered, let’s bow our heads in prayer. Does anyone here want to accept the Lord? If you could just raise your hand. And ironically, because I was stoned, I thought he said hands. So I raised both of my hands as high as I could. Like, I want Jesus. And
I swear he got kind of a chuckle on his face like, man, this kid really, really wants God.
That’s how my life has been since January of 1994. I’ve lived my life forever reconciled that I am broken and Jesus died for my sins. I live in an unperfect world. I’m an unperfect human... but he has been able to redeem me, build me up and restore me. Since then I’ve been on this journey of life.
30 Years In Tech, 20 Years Pastoring... And The Tension That Wouldn’t Go Away
All this was leading up to how I got in tech. 30 years in tech, I barely graduated high school. A friend said, hey, I heard of this company called Seagate. They’re hiring people that are just willing to learn computers. Through high school, even though I didn’t, the class I didn’t cut was computers.
I had a Commodore 64 and then a Commodore 128 and I was coding (yep, I am old). I’m like, hey, I can learn computers. He got me an interview and I got a job at Seagate Technology.
And then about 10 years into following God, I really felt like I was supposed to help other people navigate life. I had already been leading small groups and pastoring people. I don’t think pastoring is a title. It is a disposition to help others. It’s shepherding. And I talk a lot about that on Leader Unlock because I feel like that is kind of a missing ingredient in leadership in corporate America today.
I’ve had that tension a lot as someone who’s been 30 years in tech and 20 years pastoring people. For me, those have always been separated... siloed. People at church don’t give a rip about my job in high tech. People at work don’t care to hear much about my pastoring life. That’s why I ended up starting Leader Unlock... because I wanted to connect those together.
Because leaders, especially in the world today, are under immense pressure. We’re under pressure to perform and get results and often on the backs of people. Some leaders chew through people as much as a wood chipper chews through wood. They may get great short-term results, but because they chew through those people, they lose long-term ability to deliver. They lose reservoirs of trust. They lose reservoirs of knowledge. They lose reservoirs of momentum and innovation.
For me, that’s why I put Leader Unlock together.
Why Substack... And Why This Community Has Grown
I was on X for about a year. I grew my account from like 4,000 to almost 15,000 in a year. I learned a lot. I learned that X for me was too transactional... and primarily a lot of drama.
Dino | 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 🇺🇸 and The Culturist were having a class, and they started talking about Substack. It felt like a missing ingredient for me personally. When I started on Substack, I’ll be honest, I was a little like, we’ll see if this is any better than X… I was skeptical. Man, I was wrong. LOVE IT HERE!
Over the last three months, Leader Unlock has grown greatly. It’s been crazy for me. I’m so blessed. I don’t feel like it’s me. I feel like it’s the Lord... but I also feel like it’s the community willing to embrace diverse thought and consider that you might have something to say that will help them in their journey.
We have grown to a little bit over a thousand. I think today we’re at like 1065 subscribers. 10 of those are paid. And that’s in three months.
I’m always transparent. I imported like 1500 emails accidentally. I meant to import my subscriber list from a previous newsletter. I accidentally imported my entire Gmail contact list. So people I had emailed over the last 15 years got imported. The IRS got an email from me, welcome to Leader Unlock. A bill collector from 10 years ago. Someone within my county government. Friends I hadn’t heard from. People that had cut me out of their lives. And then I decided to trim that list. So at the end of October, I trimmed it down to like 400 people. And then since then we’ve grown to 1065 subscribers today.
I don’t take that lightly. Whether you’re a free subscriber or paid subscriber, to me it doesn’t matter... even followers. I take it as a badge of responsibility to shepherd the people that are in our community.
The Point: Invest In People, Not A Platform
All the numbers are cool. Great. I hope it grows. But what matters to me are the stories… the PEOPLE!
I’m using a lot of the subscription money to help a family in need.
There’s a young couple I’ve known. I pastored them. I’ve shepherded this couple for a long time. They were actually a part of our church plant as foundational members. They’re going through a hard time, and I really felt like, okay, what can I do as a gift to them? I’m giving them a small amount of money. Currently, our subscriptions don’t cover that, and that’s fine. I had a set amount of money. I’m going to keep giving them that money as long as I can to help them buffer their season. He’s doing a little bit of media management for me for that. For me, a big deal is that Leader Unlock is actually supporting real life, a real couple, a young couple that’s in need.
Another one is a senior vice president that I used to work for, an amazing man. People rally around this guy because he is truly one of those leaders that loves his people. He doesn’t chew through people. He stood in front of arrows when they were being directed at me a long time ago. He took the bullets instead. That’s what a leader does. A leader protects his people and loves his people.
He was under immense pressure and going through things that were just too much. The relationship of the company became more transactional with their customers and transactional for their employees. He was being forced into positions that would have caused him to have to have a moral decision on whether he was going to do it or not. He decided to opt out and resign. He doesn’t know what his next is, but he joined the founder circle. I get to talk to him one-on-one on a monthly basis. These conversations are really good. It’s bi-directional. I get something out of it too. I get to hear his story. I get to tune how I can help other executives in his predicament.
He’s in a bridge season. A bridge season is a connection between the previous season and the next season, and you’re not really sure what’s going to happen, but you are ready for that next season. So you’re in training. It’s like a Rocky movie. Physical, spiritual, emotional, financial. Get those areas of your life in order and get ready for whatever is next. Sometimes we know what our next is. Sometimes we don’t. But regardless, when you’re in that in-between season, you’re working out things for your next season.
Another one is a young man who has a family, got laid off. He talked about the heavy weight of the lies that he hears, that he’s going to ruin his family. Believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve been through one of those seasons where I got laid off. It was right before 9-11 and the dot-com bust. I couldn’t find a job delivering a pizza. We ended up losing our home. Our car got repossessed. We filed for bankruptcy. It was a horrible season. Those lies do grow when you go through those seasons. You can hear that you’re a failure, that your demise is certain, you’ve let everyone down. And you might as well end it all.
If you’ve ever heard those lies or you’re listening to those lies now, I absolutely rebuke them in the name of Jesus. Because they’re lies. Here I am in my 50s. My mom committed suicide when I was in junior high. It still impacts me. Even if you think people don’t love you, or even if you’re alone, you’re important. You’re a part of the puzzle, and you’d be a missing part if you exited early. Please reach out to me if you ever need someone to talk to. I don’t care if you are a follower, subscriber, I don’t care. Just DM me and I’m happy to talk with you if you ever have any of those struggles whatsoever.
So to him, I just said, look, you’re not walking your family into ruin. You’re in your season of no fault of your own, and lots of people are struggling. This isn’t all on you, and this isn’t the Lord somehow having some harshness towards you. The bottom line is when bad things happen to good people, people have asked me this even as a pastor, how can God exist with all this pain? And I said, we’re an invasion force. The world’s been turned over to the enemy. It’s like we’re on the beach of Normandy and we’re in the midst of the battle and bad things happen in the midst of battle. But also you’ll hear stories of good things that happened... camaraderie... miracles. A bullet was headed for so-and-so and something fell in front of them. You hear about miracles.
So I said, don’t focus on the future and don’t focus on the past. Focus on today. Today has enough worry of its own, the Bible says. Focus on the four pillars: physical, spiritual, emotional, and financial. Work those as best as you can to get ready for your next season.
The last was a young person reached out to me and was talking about how they had struggled with those thoughts of taking their own life. They really hit home the story that I was sharing about my origin story and my mom and drug addiction and just the tumultuous stuff I’ve been through... but that God is good. Bottom line for me is that’s what I want to talk about. Not all the pain, but all the hope.
Those stories are more important than anything.
Leadership Under Pressure Is Not Just The CEO
One of the main keys of why I started Leader Unlock is to encourage leaders that are under pressure, whether you’re a parent, whether you’re a teacher, whether you’re a manager, director, executive, it doesn’t matter.
When I think of leadership, I don’t think of just the CEO. There’s a lot of people who carry a lot of leadership in lots of different ways.
Moms. I remember a mom talking about feeling invisible. Do I even matter if I disappeared? Would anyone ever notice? I wrote a post about it because yeah, they will. They will notice and they will unpack them forever if you ever just disappeared. It’s important to talk about these things because there’s a lot of growing pressure in our society.
Strong And Loving: A Fork In The Road For Men
I’m working on another post right now talking about masculinity because I think we’re at a fork in the road for masculinity in our society. Men are told to either shut up and be quiet, or they have to be this take character with a lot of meanness, be hard, be mean, be for yourself, get rich, leave a lasting legacy for yourself.
Where in truth and reality, true masculinity is love and dangerous enough against evil, but soft towards people. True godly masculinity is being strong and loving. Strong and loving.
Contagious Optimism Is Not Denial... It’s Partnership
I have this picture. It says dream, explore, discover. It’s a picture we took in Canada at Lake Louise as the backdrop. For me, that is absolutely the key to life. Being optimistic is a superpower.
At Amazon, I had this executive do my annual review and he said, you have this superpower and I don’t know what to call it, so I’m just going to call it you have a contagious optimism.
Optimism is not that you’re in denial of your circumstances. Optimism is no matter what we’re going to get through this. No matter what, we’re going to overcome this.
No matter what, we’re going to find a way. It’s going to work out. Not because I’m just going to sit back and wait for it to happen, but because I’m going to partner with God and make it happen. Not in my own power, but in his strength.
How To Build A Real Community
If you’re creating on Substack or really anywhere, be optimistic. Build relationships like you actually care about people.
When they DM me, I try to DM them back. I try to respond to every comment, good or bad, happy or sad. Sometimes I don’t. It’s been super busy at work in real life. I’m working 50, 60 hour weeks. I have a family and I’m doing Substack. I probably missed some of your comments. If I have, please forgive me. I definitely don’t want to not get those comments.
Substack is an opportunity for you to connect with people. A lot of you are here to make money and build coaching businesses and that is good, but primarily be for people and not for yourself because people are going to be able to discern and know if you’re really out for yourself or if you’re actually out for others.
I’ve built teams in high tech. I’ve built church communities with small groups. I’ve built a church plant. My wife and I used to do bistro nights with public events. Live music, free food, free espresso drinks, donation-based. Build community. Get to know people. Don’t let life be so transactional. Don’t think primarily of yourself. Give yourself away. Don’t bring every conversation back to yourself. Try to figure out how you can build others up. In the meantime, those things unlock things for you.
The Invitation: No Polarizing... Just Building
My dream for Leader Unlock, I know it might be bold, I might be crazy, but I want it to go big. Not for Chris, because I work in tech, I’ve been 30 years in, I make great money.
I want to see Leader Unlock explode so that people don’t have to keep separating corporate world from godly world. Those things need to be put back together... recoupled rather than decoupled like they have been in our society.
Last but not least, don’t polarize people. Stop using things in your lives to pull people apart. Whether it is politics or even religion…
You don’t need to be a Christian to be here. You don’t need to believe what I believe to be here. But at the same time, what I ask for people who join Leader Unlock is to not be opposed to ancient wisdom that’s been around for thousands of years that have helped people. If you can at least accept the Bible as wisdom, then you’re absolutely going to find Leader Unlock is going to provide a lot of value for you to help you build those four pillars in your life: physical, spiritual, emotional, and financial.
Please reach out, send me a DM. I’m not saying send me a DM if you’re a subscriber. I don’t care if you follow me. If you want to talk and build a relationship and ask me questions about one of my posts, just go ahead and reach out. I would love to talk with you.
Have a good rest of your day and weekend, and we’ll talk to you soon.
Let’s go.
